Hi folks! How have you been and trust you've had a great week so far. Thanks for reading this post (in advance):) .
Yesterday morning, as early as 9am, my fiance's best friend rang me up to tell me he had been arrested by the police. What for? He replied that he was arrested alongside some other drivers for driving vehicles with tinted windscreens/glasses. You'd remember that the IGP Mohammed Abubakar some weeks back threatened to clamp down on motorists driving cars with tinted glasses. a lot of people kicked against it mostly because a good number of these cars come in tinted.
That's not the issue at stake. My fiance's friend called me (maybe to help since I worked in a radio station) - I didn't even allow him finish, I asked him to hang up and that I'd try pull some strings. Immediately I hung up with him, I put a call across to the DPO of the police station he had been taken to, the officer didn't pick up, I immediately rang the PPPRO of the state who also chose a great time to turn off her phone. I rang him back only for him to tell me that they were about to be taken to court! I was stupefied!! I'm yet to understand why I was though.
Now here's the deal. Why did he call me in the first place? Prolly because he wanted me to help him out of the situation. Why was I making those calls? Because I wanted to pull strings to help him out of the situation. This is a regular occurrence in our country. This is one of the many reasons Nigeria is stagnant. Right or wrong, we always try to wriggle our way out of every situation we find ourselves most especially when it involves law enforcement agencies.
When LASTMA impounds or try to impound your car in Lagos, we scroll down on our phone to see who'd help us out of it. You get arrested by the police and the first thing we do is to call that uncle of ours who's a General to come help us out - and trust me, they always come to our aid. Either we plead our way out of it, or offer a bribe (the law enforcement guys are always ready to request for and accept by the way) or we pull strings - we must find a way out of it by not paying the fine. A friend of mine broke down in tears all because he wanted to avoid paying his fine. And he's a man!! I asked if he truly cried and he said he just had to act up - the poor officials had to let him go on seeing a grown man in tears. That's just who we are as a country.
I was at the Iwo Rd police station some years ago because we needed security for a station event. A Major walked in (he had disdain written all over his face) to the DPO's office, identified himself fully and went on to complain about how 3 of his men were detained at that police station and that he was there to make sure they went back to the barracks with him that night. We left him there but I'm sure he eventually had his way.
Why do we stand in the way of law enforcement agents? You're right, our law enforcement agents aren't the best in the league of enforcement agencies but I'm sure you and I contributed to that. Nigerians obey laws FULLY when they travel out of the country but come back home and start acting all lawless.
I'm writing this to let us know that each time we say "this country is useless, this country is going to blazes" - do remember that Nigeria isn't just an ordinary geographical location - the citizens (you and I) make up the entity we now call Nigeria.
Have you ever been in that type of situation before - where you had to wriggle your way out via bribe, pleas or by calling the 'oga at the top'? :) Kindly share your experience.
Do enjoy the rest of your day and sure, I do hope to write really soon (I always say that :) )
X
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
#Divorce/Separation - My Thoughts (#NHB)
I'm a bit ashamed of myself. The last time I blogged was January 1st 2013 - very embarrassing.
How are you doing dear reader? I'm sure it's been a good year so far.
I was on #NHB (No Holds Barred) on Twitter last Wednesday and i talked about Divorce. I got a lot of positive responses and a few DMS (Direct Messages) asking me to blog the whole thing. I didn't buy the idea of blogging about it cos 1) I didn't just like the idea and 2) I was too lazy to blog.
So last night, I was on LIB reading an engagement post and the guy who proposed caught my attention, I'd seen on Bella Naija before - as a groom. So I copied his name into the Google Search on Bella Naija and yup his wedding came up. I was quite interested in the guy because I still saved some pictures from his wedding a few days back - as regards some decoration details I wanted for my wedding. So you can imagine my shock reading about the divorce of that same wedding that took place in 2011!! He'd dated his present fiancee for 6 months, which means he separated/divorced from his ex-wife (the wedding post I went through) maybe mid last year (2012).
I was appalled! I had so many questions I wanted to ask - what went wrong? How irreconcilable was it? Was it that bad? I then went to the comments on his wedding post (the wedding garnered over 140 comments) - everyone went "ooh! ahh! I want this, where's my man? they look sooo in love, this is beautiful" ........
There and then, I told myself I'd blog this morning.
So in case you missed the #NHB session on Twitter, you can read it below (unedited).
Glad to be back on #NHB for the second time. I had fun the last time *winks* Tonight, I’ll be looking at Divorce/Separation. I’ll be looking at it from my little inexperienced eyes – so feel free to disagree with me (but politely please).
My dictionary defines divorce as the legal dissolution of a marriage or the decree that dissolves it. Separation is defined as to cease to live together as a couple/to be come disunited. #NHB
Let me start with myself. I grew up knowing my mum as the father and mother of the house. I met my dad for the first time in 2008 and I haven’t seen him since then (he’s alive though). He left my mum when I was 6months in her tummy, with my 2 older siblings and moved in with another woman (who later gave him a set of female twins). #NHB
I can conveniently tell anyone that divorce/separation affects the kids more than the parents. My mum would tell us then that ‘oju merin lo n to omo ko ki n se meji’ (4 eyes should train a child not two). #NHB
Why do people find it easier to separate or file for divorce nowadays compared to the 90s or maybe 80s? It can be argued that perhaps, the most important factor in the increase of divorce is the greater social acceptance of divorce/separation. #NHB
I told someone sometime ago that I pray it won’t get to a stage where folks will tell you that “oh you’re not divorced/separated? Wow! You’re missing a whole lot”. Just joking, but I was that worried. You hear stories of how couples separate or divorce after 1yr, 2yrs or 3yrs and you’re like “what exactly went wrong?” #NHB
I know people don’t go into marriages because they hope to divorce – people go into it with great intentions...... then things shift. #NHB
Don’t get it wrong, the duration of your courtship has little or no effect on divorce/separation. #NHB
Divorce is pretty unfortunate but it’s no longer seen as a ‘sin’ even in religious circles. In the last decade, divorce has become a more practical option to young families bearing in mind that we no longer have large number of kids. #NHB
What I’m driving at tonight is very simple – some of us want happy homes, some of us want our kids to grow up with both parents under the same roof. Challenges will come, but let’s be more tolerant of each other.
If you grew up with both parents under one roof (with love),you have no idea what you had. #NHB
Plan properly before going into marriage, ignore the pressure to get married – please get married on your own terms, when you know you’re truly ready and when your partner seems to be ready also. #NHB
Get married when you know you’re truly ready and when your partner seems to be ready also. #NHB
When I say plan properly – plan financially, plan emotionally, plan psychologically and finally, plan sexually. #NHB
It may sound really odd, but let divorce/separation not be an option. It affects the kids a whole lot (I’m a huge testimony).#NHB
What if domestic violence is involved? Well…….. I once interviewed a female preacher (Pastor Funke Adetuberu) and when asked why divorce shouldn’t be an option – she replied “Nike, when you have a headache + malaria symptoms, you go to the hospital abi? You have a toothache and you dash to go see a dentist right? That’s how you treat a marriage. #NHB
There are doctors for ‘sick’ marriages. God is the overall physician/consultant. Talk to a counselor, talk to your pastor, talk to your Alfa/Imam (these are the ‘doctors’). Talk to them when the signs (symptoms) start showing so you all treat it together before it snowballs into something huge say ‘cancer’. #NHB
Prayer works – talk to God whichever way you know how to.#NHB
PS: Personally, if domestic violence is involved – I always advice “young woman, hope you can find your way to the door?” #NHB
It's very easy to say 'leave him,walk out' etc. It's not so easy if you're in it. May God give us good homes/partners (Amen). #NHB
Let me post a couple of twitter responses to the topic that night.
RT @amasonic: I think another reason why divorce is on the rise is that many think enduring in a marriage is an archaic concept. #NHB
RT @Cherox: But i think one of the reasons divorce is high is the BellaNaija syndrome. You see nice pictures, you get misty & say Daddy do my own #NHB
RT @lammyng: Single parenting is not the best, and it usually have negative effect on the kids, young couples should take note #NHB
RT @Singlesng: Personally I don't support and will not encourage divorce. SHIKENA! #NHB
RT @MannieManolo: Wife her ---> RT @Omotomilola: Some of us want our kids to grow up with both parents under the same roof #NHB"
RT @amasonic: I think there are extreme cases under which I will support divorce: constant battery of spouse, chronic infidelity. #NHB
RT @OmowonuolaMaja: Marriage is not by force and its not for everybody. #NHB
RT @Emveepee_1: As bad as it seems, I think is the only option in some cases..you just have to let go. #NHB
Kindly let me know what your stance on divorce - should it be the way out? Are we no longer patient? When can you advise 'divorce'?
How are you doing dear reader? I'm sure it's been a good year so far.
I was on #NHB (No Holds Barred) on Twitter last Wednesday and i talked about Divorce. I got a lot of positive responses and a few DMS (Direct Messages) asking me to blog the whole thing. I didn't buy the idea of blogging about it cos 1) I didn't just like the idea and 2) I was too lazy to blog.
So last night, I was on LIB reading an engagement post and the guy who proposed caught my attention, I'd seen on Bella Naija before - as a groom. So I copied his name into the Google Search on Bella Naija and yup his wedding came up. I was quite interested in the guy because I still saved some pictures from his wedding a few days back - as regards some decoration details I wanted for my wedding. So you can imagine my shock reading about the divorce of that same wedding that took place in 2011!! He'd dated his present fiancee for 6 months, which means he separated/divorced from his ex-wife (the wedding post I went through) maybe mid last year (2012).
I was appalled! I had so many questions I wanted to ask - what went wrong? How irreconcilable was it? Was it that bad? I then went to the comments on his wedding post (the wedding garnered over 140 comments) - everyone went "ooh! ahh! I want this, where's my man? they look sooo in love, this is beautiful" ........
There and then, I told myself I'd blog this morning.
So in case you missed the #NHB session on Twitter, you can read it below (unedited).
Glad to be back on #NHB for the second time. I had fun the last time *winks* Tonight, I’ll be looking at Divorce/Separation. I’ll be looking at it from my little inexperienced eyes – so feel free to disagree with me (but politely please).
My dictionary defines divorce as the legal dissolution of a marriage or the decree that dissolves it. Separation is defined as to cease to live together as a couple/to be come disunited. #NHB
Let me start with myself. I grew up knowing my mum as the father and mother of the house. I met my dad for the first time in 2008 and I haven’t seen him since then (he’s alive though). He left my mum when I was 6months in her tummy, with my 2 older siblings and moved in with another woman (who later gave him a set of female twins). #NHB
I can conveniently tell anyone that divorce/separation affects the kids more than the parents. My mum would tell us then that ‘oju merin lo n to omo ko ki n se meji’ (4 eyes should train a child not two). #NHB
Why do people find it easier to separate or file for divorce nowadays compared to the 90s or maybe 80s? It can be argued that perhaps, the most important factor in the increase of divorce is the greater social acceptance of divorce/separation. #NHB
I told someone sometime ago that I pray it won’t get to a stage where folks will tell you that “oh you’re not divorced/separated? Wow! You’re missing a whole lot”. Just joking, but I was that worried. You hear stories of how couples separate or divorce after 1yr, 2yrs or 3yrs and you’re like “what exactly went wrong?” #NHB
I know people don’t go into marriages because they hope to divorce – people go into it with great intentions...... then things shift. #NHB
Don’t get it wrong, the duration of your courtship has little or no effect on divorce/separation. #NHB
Divorce is pretty unfortunate but it’s no longer seen as a ‘sin’ even in religious circles. In the last decade, divorce has become a more practical option to young families bearing in mind that we no longer have large number of kids. #NHB
What I’m driving at tonight is very simple – some of us want happy homes, some of us want our kids to grow up with both parents under the same roof. Challenges will come, but let’s be more tolerant of each other.
If you grew up with both parents under one roof (with love),you have no idea what you had. #NHB
Plan properly before going into marriage, ignore the pressure to get married – please get married on your own terms, when you know you’re truly ready and when your partner seems to be ready also. #NHB
Get married when you know you’re truly ready and when your partner seems to be ready also. #NHB
When I say plan properly – plan financially, plan emotionally, plan psychologically and finally, plan sexually. #NHB
It may sound really odd, but let divorce/separation not be an option. It affects the kids a whole lot (I’m a huge testimony).#NHB
What if domestic violence is involved? Well…….. I once interviewed a female preacher (Pastor Funke Adetuberu) and when asked why divorce shouldn’t be an option – she replied “Nike, when you have a headache + malaria symptoms, you go to the hospital abi? You have a toothache and you dash to go see a dentist right? That’s how you treat a marriage. #NHB
There are doctors for ‘sick’ marriages. God is the overall physician/consultant. Talk to a counselor, talk to your pastor, talk to your Alfa/Imam (these are the ‘doctors’). Talk to them when the signs (symptoms) start showing so you all treat it together before it snowballs into something huge say ‘cancer’. #NHB
Prayer works – talk to God whichever way you know how to.#NHB
PS: Personally, if domestic violence is involved – I always advice “young woman, hope you can find your way to the door?” #NHB
It's very easy to say 'leave him,walk out' etc. It's not so easy if you're in it. May God give us good homes/partners (Amen). #NHB
Let me post a couple of twitter responses to the topic that night.
RT @amasonic: I think another reason why divorce is on the rise is that many think enduring in a marriage is an archaic concept. #NHB
RT @Cherox: But i think one of the reasons divorce is high is the BellaNaija syndrome. You see nice pictures, you get misty & say Daddy do my own #NHB
RT @lammyng: Single parenting is not the best, and it usually have negative effect on the kids, young couples should take note #NHB
RT @Singlesng: Personally I don't support and will not encourage divorce. SHIKENA! #NHB
RT @MannieManolo: Wife her ---> RT @Omotomilola: Some of us want our kids to grow up with both parents under the same roof #NHB"
RT @amasonic: I think there are extreme cases under which I will support divorce: constant battery of spouse, chronic infidelity. #NHB
RT @OmowonuolaMaja: Marriage is not by force and its not for everybody. #NHB
RT @Emveepee_1: As bad as it seems, I think is the only option in some cases..you just have to let go. #NHB
Kindly let me know what your stance on divorce - should it be the way out? Are we no longer patient? When can you advise 'divorce'?
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year!
Hello great people and Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited you can read this post (which means you made it into 2013!!!!). That's a huge feat you know? Thank you so much for being part of my 2012, even though i wasn't all that regular as regards blogging but thanks for stopping by anyway. Thanks to those who kept on bugging me to write (Jeffrey and Cherybola, I'm looking at you two),thanks a lot for believing in me, I love you guys.
I'm wishing everyone of us the very best of 2013, we will have great testimonies to share in Jesus name. Challenges will come no doubt, but we will surmount ALL of those challenges, besides, God will not give us challenges that are insurmountable. This is our year of unlimited favours, every door we knock upon shall be opened unto us. You will be respected, accepted and appreciated.
Finally, let me share this prayer point with you. I've held on to this prayer point since 2001 (May God bless that my RCCG Good Shepherd Pasture Teen' Church teacher -Aunty Kemi I think) - May God place a PERMANENT gap between you and tragedy in Jesus name (AMEN).
Do have a productive 2013!
Love you loads.
Xoxo
Adenike Adewuyi
I'm so excited you can read this post (which means you made it into 2013!!!!). That's a huge feat you know? Thank you so much for being part of my 2012, even though i wasn't all that regular as regards blogging but thanks for stopping by anyway. Thanks to those who kept on bugging me to write (Jeffrey and Cherybola, I'm looking at you two),thanks a lot for believing in me, I love you guys.
I'm wishing everyone of us the very best of 2013, we will have great testimonies to share in Jesus name. Challenges will come no doubt, but we will surmount ALL of those challenges, besides, God will not give us challenges that are insurmountable. This is our year of unlimited favours, every door we knock upon shall be opened unto us. You will be respected, accepted and appreciated.
Finally, let me share this prayer point with you. I've held on to this prayer point since 2001 (May God bless that my RCCG Good Shepherd Pasture Teen' Church teacher -Aunty Kemi I think) - May God place a PERMANENT gap between you and tragedy in Jesus name (AMEN).
Do have a productive 2013!
Love you loads.
Xoxo
Adenike Adewuyi
Thursday, December 20, 2012
What are you thankful for?
Just finished reading the 1800hrs news, listening to music upstairs (whiling away time before I head home) and I just thought of the year 2012. I initially thought to hold on with the post till prolly the 3oth or 31st of the month but another voice said no - do it now and so I went with the latter.
The year 2012 has been an eventful year for me. To start with, I clocked 27 at the beginning of the year (Feb. 10), nagged God for a car before the end of the year (still haven't gotten it but I know He doesn't work with my silly deadlines, He will give me very soon),my health acted funny all through the year (didn't understand why though),I was nominated for The Future Awards 2012 (special shout-out to my amazing besty - Ronke Giwa), I didn't win it but I'm fine,nothing much on the job, my baby got a beautiful gift from God in the later part of the year,I still have a great relationship with my boyfriend (well,fiance now) and finally, here I am typing away with no difficulty.
The year 2012 hasn't been eventful for some people. Some lost their jobs, some other person lost his/her spouse, some lost parents, some lost their kids, colleagues and probably friends. The Dana air-crash happened this year remember? Some were meant to be on that flight. The helicopter crash occurred 15th of this month and lives were also lost. Lagos Ibadan expressway 'swallows' people almost every other day, I've been plying that road fortnightly since 2009 and every weekend since June. I tend to ask God everytime that "what makes me so special?"
What were those things you outlined at the beginning of this year to achieve before the end of 2012? Did you achieve them? If yes, are you thankful? Was it by your doing? If no, are you angry? Do you blame yourself?
I'm thankful for the following:
For being alive.
For being alive.
For being alive.
For being alive.
For keeping my loved ones alive,hale and hearty and finally,
For being alive.
I don't know why I've been thankful for the gift of life of recent. Maybe because I know that the dead can't give thanks, the dead can't complain about PHCN, the dead can't complain about GEJ, the dead can't complain about not having cars to drive, the dead can't complain about being broke or jobless, the dead can't complain about being unmarried - it's only the living that can. Truly, I'm thankful I'm alive and can complain (LOL).
Here's my question - the year 2012 is almost over - barely 11 days to the end of it; what are you thankful for?
Now playing Pastor Charles Jenkins and Fellowship Chicago - Awesome (Kindly go look for this song - it's highly inspiring).
5years baby!
I hope this post doesn't look cheesy. I'm pretty sorry if it does.
5years ago today, you 'officially' asked me to be your girlfriend. It's been one amazing journey. You've been my best friend, you've been my brother, you've been my partner. We've quarreled, we've sulked, we've nagged and we've loved each other right back. I'm not the best girlfriend on earth but I'm glad you took me for who I am.
Thank you for supporting my career, thanks for being my number one fan, thanks for accepting my family just the way they are, thanks for allowing me to be me whenever I'm with you, thanks for not putting me under pressure, thanks for being open with me, thanks for forgiving me when you should have let go - all in all, thank you so much for being with me.
I love you so much 'daddy' and I'll always do.
Dedicating Tyrese Best Of Me to you Sugar.
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